You understood me more than the rest,
but I wondered if we should just stay friends.

When I was with you I felt free,
as corny as that may sound.
But all of a sudden, I wasn’t scared of being me,
and it was always when you were around.

I connected with you in a crazy way!
When I talked to you, I looked straight in your eyes.

All your smiles made me forget my troubles.
And all your laughs were a sweet surprise.

(Then I imagine that;)
You come closer and my tummy flutters
Our hand hand connect and I start to blush.
Your face is next to mine…our lips touch
and suddenly there’s this rush
of things I wanna tell you
of things I wanna tell you
like how I feel about you
whenever our hands brush.
And we kiss.

A promise
An oath
A friendship;
All of them, I made with you.
So why do you treat them as facades?

Your back
Your secrets
Your reputation;
Forever, I protected them for you.

But now you’ve made the simple things hard.

I love his laugh.
his eybrows jerk,
his eyes go bright,
his cheeks go up,
his mouth mouth opens and his
teeth confess his young indulgence
of sweets.
And out comes the sound;
the sound that turns my skin
into diamond scales; the sound
that mutates my heart into an ever-gushing waterfall of love.
The sound of daddy’s laughter.

“Time is of an essence!”
Gallantly charge through and dominate
Oh, knight in rusting armor.
All we ever wanted was control
but we and control are an impossibility.
So we created prisons.
So we created careers.
So we created anti-depressants.
Tools of control in this system….but time is of an essence!
He disregards as nonsense
fading away into the colorful fantasy.

Cause and effect is the life I live;
permeated fear is not freewill.
I could make the right choices
without threatening voices -
operant conditioning, they freely give
to me and 6 billion others.

If my life starts now, I will not live a lie.
Honesty lightens my shoulders and lifts my chin.
I should be somewhat prideful, yet completely mindful
of the road that I decide.

Aware of why its best.
Is it clear why it is best?

The darkeness is fading
and the Light’s coming in
allowing me to mind
the web you tried to spin of false modesty.

Who are you to me but–
Who am I to you?
uncomfortable, unstable,
and loveless untrues are endless competition.

As the dust settles
now I see;
I give myself wings
and I am free of this needless repetition.

Who would kiss her hand
And hug her tight
Tell her he loved her only
and he might
give her a rose a day
and tell her she smelled as such.

He would know just how to make her laugh the most
then he would tell her her laugh is the sound
of the bells on a fairy’s slipper’s toes.

He’d conquer her woes!

All her insecurities would fold
and leave
when he arrived.

And when he bent a requested her to
be his bride

They’d tie the knot tighter than they already did
Then leave the country
while everyone else bid
them a long and blissful marriage.

But then, all of a sudden
his true face would show
her world would be destroyed
by an unexpected snow-
-ball of shock, misery, and pain.

What did she gain?

False hope.
A dream.
A wish and nothing more.
His angelic face was a painting
to hide his ugly core.

He snatches the veil from her eyes
lets go of his disguise
and slowly, mercilessly,
drowns her in lies.

She cannot escape!

The room is bright
Everything white
Blinding her with inhuman beauty.

A deceiving beauty, like her capturer’s;
Put there for an alternate purpose.

The door to this room hides away,
Locked, bolted and heavily chained.

She cannot, will not escape!

She cries into her empathic pillows -
Wherever did her prince go?
Everything was fine then; it was sweet and slow.
How did she come upon such woe?

How foolish she now feels.
Its like a nightmare; horribly unreal.
How was she so blind?
Had he also stolen her mind
along with her timid, gullible heart?

Oh no..
Oh no..
don’t start.
Don’t let your emotions part…away.

And the salty droplets sank into the feathers.
Soon, a change occurred in the weather,
And the sun came back once more,
And the clouds left
as
sure
as
Day
Breaking into the open bay.
She turned in bed, shocked as she saw
Her dazzling prince laying next to her
with his long, blonde curls swimming in the duvet.

He stroked her hair and she chuckled, happy again
Because
She was fooled by Night and his ever following wife
Sleep.
She was given a false fear
from the many that he keeps.

For Night is dark,
and darkness he seeks
to place in our dreams
as we lay
fast
asleep.

It like when we went to the beach
on that really hot day early in the summer
and I stood after the shore line
my feet sunk into the soggy, warm sand
I was subconsciously held hostage
while Water’s many arms lashed at my legs

She approached me so fiercely
but in the end
I remained planted in the sand
excited for the lash that’s
still to come

And it’s perfect.

Happening so fast…that I can’t help it.

The love
don’t try to rub it out
its contagious; permanent – like rubbing out ink
it only spreads across the bed
spilling on the floor
sticking the rug and the walls in defiance.

A snowball of love
rolling around and growing
shielded with a double coating of honesty
grows and grows
overpowering
the remedy?
and single embrace
and she melts into him.

If you drain the love
you drain the life
and you’re left with a dried up shell of a person
with no song.

Because I’m not here.

My fingerprint is fading
being erased
and I’m slowly losing myself.

I don’t know who I am

what I am
why I am

I don’t if I am or am not

and I don’t care where I am
’cause it’s never home.